


In my mind, in my soul

by Scyllaya



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Debriel Mini Bang Challenge 2011, God Castiel, M/M, Post Season 6
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-11-06
Updated: 2012-11-06
Packaged: 2017-11-18 02:43:04
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 8
Words: 21,477
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/555994
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Scyllaya/pseuds/Scyllaya
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Gabriel awakens at the side of a brother who is nothing like the angel he remembered. Castiel wants his loyalty, for him to become the one he can trust among all the betrayal he suffered. Dean wants to get the archangel out of the grasp of the new god and for him to help save his lost friend.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the 2011 Debriel Mini Bang. Originally posted on Livejournal on Oct. 26th, 2011. http://scyllaya.livejournal.com/61457.html
> 
> Artist: kraehi  
> Beta: beatlemaniac9
> 
> Title is from: Paradise Lost – Mouth

 

 

Gabriel was waking up very slowly first just trying to fight down the sheer shock he felt that he was waking up at all. He died, he knew that, he never expected to wake up again as there was no way unless God himself decided to bring him back. The thought caused a burning thread of hope to flare up inside of him. Then, he felt the presence, which was most definitely not his father. It felt strange and wrong... so very wrong, but powerful. Stronger than Lucifer, stronger than Michael, almost all-consuming like the glorious presence of his Father, but not Him... something close and Gabriel was confused. Maybe even scared; he didn't understand this.

The presence was terrifyingly powerful, yet not threatening and Gabriel wanted to see properly, wanted to sense who it was, what it was... there was no doubt that this was the force that gathered the scattered remains of his burnt grace and built him up again, the one who remade his vessel because he could already feel that he was confined in flesh.

He was still waking up, his grace wounded, but strong again. He could only feel with the limited senses of his human vessel. He was lying on something soft, bed probably. The presence surrounded him completely and he could feel fingers on his face, a hand stroking the hair away from his eyes and tracing the shape of his jaw. The touch was intimate, but not in a sexual way, he was touched like a piece of artwork after the master finished his work. It was achingly similar to the way God reached out to him but it was also nothing like it, too cold, too clinical. The sense of wrongness never left Gabriel. He couldn't identify who was with him and it really started to scare him now that he was coming back to himself, because besides God, Death and his older brothers, no force should've been stronger than him, but this creature was, and it was neither his Father, nor Death or his brothers.

He finally managed to open his eyes, his blurry vision cleared out and he found himself staring into familiar blue eyes. The archangel had to suppress his want to flee or struggle or just get away from him but at the same time he didn't know for sure whether he was seeing the one he thought he was.

'Castiel?' he asked in a quiet voice. He got a smile in return that was cold and distant.

'Welcome back, Gabriel,' the creature spoke. Despite it being a neutral greeting, the voice sent shivers down the archangel's spine. He didn't move, he didn't dare to move. Somehow he felt that he wouldn't be able to no matter if he wanted or not.

x~x~x


	2. Chapter 2

x~x~x

 

Sitting around at Bobby's felt too much like doing nothing; being on the road searching for something, anything between the hunts they stumbled upon was only slightly better as they didn't know what to look for. Thinking back on the Apocalypse, finding a way to defeat the Devil, they had somewhere to start even if it felt like they had a snowball's chance in Hell. But this? Finding a way to reverse or undo something that has never been done before, something that probably should've never happened in the first place, was even harder.

That's what you get if you screw with destiny, Dean thought bitterly. You teach an angel about free will to stop the apocalypse, you put him on a path and the dominos start falling; you just can't see where the road leads at that point. He thought about his day as Death more and more these days, that everything has consequences, that if you change something, derail something, there is a good chance even something bigger and even worse will happen. Like your best ( _only_ ) friend absorbing a few billion monster souls and declaring himself the new god of the world. Good job, Dean Winchester, you sent the world down to the gutter for a second time... or was this still the consequences of his first screw-up? Probably. Death told him loud and clear, him and Sam cause disturbances on a global scale, this was just another thing on a list.

It didn't stop them from searching for a solution, though. Castiel let them live; he disappeared suddenly like a small noise caught his ear without waiting for Sam, Dean and Bobby to decide whether they wanted to bow or be destroyed. If Dean was honest with himself he admitted that he had no idea what he might've done if Cas stuck around and would've waited for their decision. He was not someone to bow down... to anyone. He knew that neither Bobby nor Sam were either, but still... how could you possibly fight against a being that was able to kill an archangel with a snap of his fingers? Especially if you wanted to live? They didn't back off when they had to fight Lucifer, but this? This was a whole new ballgame.

There was not much they could think of when they were searching for possible solutions as to who knew about souls. Angels and demons. With Castiel ruling Heaven and Crowley being under his control there was no way they could get knowledge from either side. They tried to summon Balthazar and when the ritual didn't work... they just didn't mention him again, knowing what the reason was that he didn't show up. The only thing left was the knowledge of the residents of Purgatory. Eve was dead and Purgatory was most likely empty now, but there were monsters on Earth still, and if the dragons could open the door and summon Eve, there was a chance that they or any other of the older monsters may have some sort of usable information as to how to release the souls from Castiel. Besides them, only Death remained, and Sam and Bobby – for obvious reasons – refused to allow Dean to search him out the way he did the last time. Dean didn’t give up on it, but allowed it to be their plan Z; something to use if they ran out of all other options. Dean had a feeling that it would happen sooner rather than later, depending on what Cas might do. For now, it's been silent. He was probably still busy severely punishing all of Raphael's followers like he said he would.

Right now they were tracking down some dragons; they seemed like the right kind of monsters to start with. No luck so far, of course. After 12 hours of driving Dean declared that they need rest and pulled over to the first motel they found to check in for the night. The keys actually fell out of his hands the second he stepped into the room. His duffel slipped down from his shoulder too as he was staring like an idiot at the man – angel – standing in their room.

'Sam, Dean... good to see you,' he greeted.

'Gabriel,' Dean breathed out as Sam got into the room and pushed the door closed behind himself to stare at the archangel just like his brother.

'The one and only,' Gabriel answered. His cheerful tone falling a little flat for Dean's ears.

'You're alive,' Sam said, well, stated the obvious.

'I was brought back,' the archangel told them. Dean frowned and wanted to ask by whom, but Gabriel started talking again leaving no room for him to speak. 'You shouldn't think that chasing down monsters in hope they will magically give you the answers you are looking for will work,' he said and Dean's frown deepened. 'Actually it's a really inadvisable quest.'

'How do you know about this?' Sam asked. His face darkened with suspicion. 'How long have you been back? Have you been spying on us?'

'I don't need to spy, bucko,' Gabriel looked at him. 'You can just never be sure that Castiel isn’t listening. This little plan of yours caught his attention.' Dean felt as his breath rushed out of him and a cold feeling settled unpleasantly in his stomach.

'Cas sent you?' he asked, and fucking hell not Gabriel too. Didn't they have enough trouble already?

'He told me to come here, so I did,' the archangel said.

'So you did end up as somebody's bitch,' Dean spat as anger bubbled up inside of him. Gabriel's amber eyes locked on his face sharply; the anger radiating from them was practically tangible.

'I ended up dead,' he said in dark tone. 'And I still would be if not for Castiel.'

Dean took a breath and steadied himself. He sure as hell won't let Gabriel of all the angels intimidate him.

'And what is this, huh? A fair warning that we should sit with our thumbs up our asses or there will be hell to pay?' Gabriel shrugged.

'I just passed on the message,' he said. Sam snorted.

'Messenger? Old job, new boss?'

'Castiel is taking an old-school road with his... divinity thing. Bow down, love and obey... reminds me of old days.'

'You can't possibly side with him,' Dean said.

'There is no other side,' Gabriel declared.

'Of course there is. Our side!' Dean exclaimed, he couldn't identify Gabriel's expression.

'No. There are three little humans who actually know that there is a new boss in town and there is Castiel, Lord of Heaven and Hell... and I guess Earth, too. Until someone bigger and meaner shows up on the scene... he's calling the shots.'

'And you bow down, just like that?' Dean argued.

'What could I possibly do besides accepting the new world order?' the angel asked.

'Do something to help fix this! We've been through this Gabriel; you don't just sit back and let things happen. You can't just do that, you have to stand up to what is right, I thought you realized that!'

'Yes, but maybe _my death_ made me reconsider...' he trailed off and sighed. 'Besides, it's not like there is any impending doom. Your world is safe; Castiel does not seek to destroy.'

'Yet,' Sam added.

'You really gonna just... bow down and do nothing?' Dean asked.

'I stood in the presence of God, Dean. And trust me, he feels scarily close like Him.'

'So you choose the coward's way?' Sam asked as he crossed his arms over his chest.

'I choose to live,' Gabriel said simply. His eyes were unfocused for a bit then he glanced upwards for only a quick blink, but Dean noticed it right before the golden gaze was locked on him again. 'Castiel is in Heaven... restoring order,' he seemed to struggle to find the right words. 'I have been tasked to keep an eye on Earth, so whatever you do, I will know about it... not like the dragons can help you...' Dean narrowed his eyes as Gabriel didn't look away from him as he spoke. There was something in his eyes, something Dean felt he should understand.

'Oh, just fuck you,' Sam growled angrily.

'I suck at following orders,' Dean said.

'I'm aware,' Gabriel said still looking at him. 'But really, just go and hunt down some witches and forget about whatever the creatures walking the earth might know. It will be better for all of us.' Dean thought for a few moments before he answered.

'Yeah well... if you're joining the lemmings, that's your business,' Gabriel's face shifted, but only slightly, his eyes not leaving Dean's.

'I am. This is still Jonestown,' he said before he was gone like he never stood there. Sam blinked in confusion as Dean breathed out in relief at the last words leaving the archangel's mouth. He couldn't help the smile spreading on his face as he shook his head.

'What?' Sam asked with a frown. Dean was not surprised that Sam didn't get it... but he did and fuck he felt a little bit hopeful again. He wanted to explain to his brother, but he paid attention to everything Gabriel said so he stayed silent. He looked around and with nothing else in sight he grabbed the Bible and the pen from the nightstand. He wrote down what was most important then closed it, leaving the pen between the pages and headed towards the bathroom. He left the book on Sam's bed. Sam stared at him like he was crazy then walked to his bed and opened the book to read what Dean wrote with tiny letters at the bottom of one of the pages.

_We're the lemmings._

x~x~x

It took Dean the rest of the day to explain it to Sam what he meant and what exactly Gabriel was trying to tell them. Considering that he and Sam usually understood each other from half sentences it was a ridiculously long time spent on dropping bits and pieces of the conversation to each other with as much pop culture reference as they could think of, which was luckily a lot.

What really surprised him was his little brother not putting the pieces together immediately after he made it obvious that everything Gabriel said should be rethought, as the archangel was on their side. His brother was supposed to be the smarter one, right? Yet, he was hesitant and didn't get it.

Gabriel told them that Cas was in Heaven, but they could never know when he was listening... Dean was almost 100% sure that it was no accident that Gabriel said that instead of saying that Cas was watching them. He also told them that Castiel was close to the way God's power felt like and that he resurrected Gabriel, but that also included that the real God – wherever the hell he was sipping cocktails the fucker – was still the biggest player in the game.

He told them not to chase the dragons any longer, and that the knowledge of the monsters walking the Earth would not magically solve their problems. They were on the wrong track then, searching for answers in the wrong direction. Sam was objecting to that, a lot. He didn't want to believe that Gabriel's words meant anything beyond a threat, a warning from Castiel, but Dean knew it. He was absolutely sure, he could feel it in his gut and his last exchanged words with Gabriel, when he referred back to their last conversation in the Impala, confirmed that.

He told them to hunt down some witches, so there might still be some sort of spell or ritual out there that could help them (that would magically help them), just not in the possession of monsters. He told them also that he was keeping an eye on things and will know what they do no matter what.

And surprisingly what bothered Dean the most was that he made it completely obvious that he was in deep shit. That he chose to live, so obviously Cas displayed a very similar choice for him as he did for Sam, Dean and Bobby. He _told_ Gabriel to visit them, he demanded from him to “ _bow down, love and obey_ ” and Gabriel had no choice but do exactly that. Normally Dean would've argued with someone not fighting against something like this, but right now he was glad Gabriel didn't do what Dean's stubborn ass would've done. They had an actual non-human ally with considerable power and knowledge like this after all.

'Maybe he wasn't even Gabriel,' Sam spoke and Dean glanced at him before shifting his eyes back towards the road. They were heading back to Bobby's again, much to Sam's disagreement, but Dean was dead set on starting to look for witches.

'It was him,' Dean answered.

'How can you be so sure? It's not like we can see what exactly is inside that human body. He could've been a demon or another angel.' Dean thought about it for a second, but disregarded the idea right away.

'It's him,' he said again even with more conviction, there was no way any angel could've copied Gabriel like this, the way he talked, gestured and held himself. The way his almost golden eyes bore into Dean while he willed him to understand his words under the false chatter and facade. Dean was  absolutely certain that he would've recognized an impostor almost at first glance, definitely.

'You could be wrong,' Sam said and Dean understood perfectly that he didn't mean him being wrong about Gabriel's identity, but everything else. Dean didn't answer as he couldn't find the words to say why he knew he wasn't wrong. Ok, so maybe Sam had a right to be concerned, maybe he was really just clinging to anything that could help them save Castiel, but dammit, then he was clinging; at least there was something to cling to.

Gabriel was right; it's been three little humans, even worse numbers than during the Apocalypse, against someone more powerful than Lucifer. But he couldn't help it, seeing Gabriel alive gave him hope even if he felt that maybe it was too much to ask for the archangel to be their joker card with all the right answers again. He also didn't forget how easily Castiel defeated Raphael after he took the souls in, so he knew logically that Gabriel stood no better chance, but still. It was different. It was Gabriel, and even if he couldn't put it into words nor could he really explain it to Sam he knew that even if Cas seemed to keep him on a short leash, him being back was a reason for hope. He just knew it.

x~x~x


	3. Chapter 3

x~x~x

 

Weeks passed and Sam and Dean didn't see Gabriel again. Sam was not eager to call for him and Dean went along with that out in the open, but he couldn't help wondering out loud sometimes where the archangel could've been. He didn't know whether Gabriel heard him or not. He still had those sigils on his ribs after all, and the angel's name was so common among humans that he doubted that he listened every time someone spoke it out loud. Still he wondered, and Sam, trying to urge him to go back to their previous idea, finding monsters who might have some usable knowledge for them, was not helping. Dean firmly believed that they had to follow a different route; he was tired of talking about it with Sam thought; his brother asking 'why' and questioning him over and over again.

The only time when he was not doing it was when he was too tired to argue. He was tired a lot of times as he couldn't rest well, nightmares constantly ruining his nights. Dean knew how it was to deal with such memories, even if Sam technically spent way more time down there than he did, so he knew there was nothing to do to help, just allow Sam to catch the few hours or sometimes minutes of sleep he was able to get. It broke Dean’s heart to see him suffering like this and his own inability to help was also frustrating to no end.

One afternoon when Sam fell asleep on the couch of Bobby's study Dean closed the book he was going over and got up to get himself a beer from the kitchen. The older hunter was inside making some sort of a dinner for them. They stood in silence for long moments, but it didn't last.

'Y'know... I'm kinda surprised,' Bobby started.

'How so?' Dean asked.

'That archangel... the trickster... no reason to believe a word that comes out of his mouth.'

'I believe it,' Dean replied immediately.

'That's what I'm surprised about... so how come?' he didn't look at Dean and it made the question less heavy, he probably knew that if Dean had to look at him while talking about this he may have shook it off without answering. He also didn't want to say anything that would've given away Gabriel for the chance Cas was keeping an ear open.

'I just do,' he answered lamely, but there was nothing else to say. He had no proof, he had no real reasons he could tell, not to Sam and nor to Bobby.

'Well, I ain't gonna argue with ya', but... that sounds like an awful lot of faith coming from your mouth,' the older hunter told him and finally looked at him too. Dean sighed because he couldn't deny it, and couldn't explain it either.

'Yeah I guess...' he answered, as honestly as he was capable. Bobby kept looking at him for another moment before he turned back to the pot on the stove.

'And you're supposed to be easy to figure out,' he snorted with a shake of his head.

'Just trust me on this, Bobby,' he asked.

'If I didn’t, I would've kicked yer ass out of here to go back hunting those damn dragons a long time ago,' he answered.

'Thanks for that,' Dean told him before he left the kitchen. Bobby asking questions meant that they were really starting to run out of ideas again, but Gabriel didn't give them any more clues on where to start their search. So he had to talk with him again, because the standstill was almost driving him crazy at this point.

That night Dean waited until Bobby went to sleep and Sam passed out too into a restless slumber after hours of crouching over books. He then walked out to the yard, far enough from the house so that he didn't wake up either of the other hunters. As he stood in the silent darkness among the rusty old cars he remembered other nights when he called, sometimes desperately, for a different angel, it left him cold just thinking about it.

'Gabriel!' he spoke out loud. 'If you can hear me... I really need to talk to you! C'mon man! Gabriel!'

There was no answer, for a very long time. Dean asked, shouted, cursed and even pleaded with the bastard to show up for fuck's sake. He didn't even know whether he was ignored or the angel didn't hear him, or maybe couldn't get to him whether he wanted to or not.

'I really shouldn't be here,' said the familiar voice and Dean looked up immediately, relief loosening his tense muscles. Gabriel's forced quiet demeanor felt so unnatural that it put Dean on edge again just looking over him. No relaxed, nonchalant pose, no theatrical gestures and words, it was unnerving.

'Can we talk freely?' Dean asked him. Gabriel glanced away for a moment before his eyes settled on Dean again.

'Yeah, I guess,' he nodded.

'Okay, listen. I got what you meant about searching for something else than the dragons or other monsters, but we really don't have a clue where to--'

'Dean, no,' Gabriel interrupted him.

'What?'

'I can't help you.' Dean frowned immediately.

'But you said--'

'I know what I said, Dean and I meant it, but... I can't.

'I know Cas keeps you on a short leash--'

'Well, that's an understatement,' Gabriel snorted, the first traces of his usual behavior showing on him, it made Dean less edgy.

'That's why you have to help us, dammit! That's how you can get out of this,' Dean told him sternly.

'I'm not going to betray him,' Gabriel answered just as sternly.

'What?' Dean asked in confusion.

'You heard me,' the archangel replied.

'How is this being on our side then, huh?' Dean snapped and Gabriel's face hardened in anger in a blink of an eye.

'Didn't you listen? He brought me back!' he started as he took a few steps closer, he was shorter than Dean, but his presence was dark and enormous and Dean had to force himself not to step back when every instinct in him told him to do so. 'If not for him I would be scattered grace and rotten flesh, gone and forgotten! And what? Am I supposed to pay him back with betrayal?'

'Are you trying to convince me or yourself?' Dean asked.

'Fuck you!' Gabriel snarled angrily. 'I don't owe you anything.'

'No,' Dean admitted, if anything it was the other way around... or they were even, hell if he knew. 'But you could maybe show your “gratitude” by helping me save him.'

'Save him...' Gabriel repeated quietly.

'You can't tell me that it's all good the way he is now, this whole souls business... that much power... do you actually have any idea what went down in the past two years since you were gone?'

'I know enough.'

'Oh really?'

'I know that my brother Raphael is fucking paint on a wall and I see what is happening to all of my brothers who fought alongside of him! I know what's going on right now, that everything has gone to shit, Heaven, Hell, Purgatory... everything but your precious Earth! And that you're fucking asking me to die all over again and you _know it_ , and you're still fucking asking me, you selfish little prick!' Gabriel was breathing a tad harder than he did before when he fell silent, his amber eyes vivid and heated even in the darkness and Dean had no words to reply with for a moment.

'I'm asking you to give me... something... anything to help, before things turn even worse, before he destroys himself, before there's nothing left to save.'

'I don't think there's anything left to save,' Gabriel said quietly, and the words made something clench in Dean's chest painfully. He let out an almost trembling breath before he spoke again.

'There has to be, he can't be gone completely,' he insisted. 'Just tell me where to start looking for... anything that might help... please!' There was silence for a very long time, only the sound of the night and their breathing was audible in the cool air.

'Think of souls... as waterdrops,' the archangel said. 'All around the air, too many in one place and they become a stormcloud... but you add a little pressure, the drops become too heavy, gravity does the rest of the work. Just a little shove and it will rain down from the skies... no more thunder.'

'Wha--' the question died on Dean's lips as the archangel was gone in the next blink without another word. Fucking great. This was the most cryptic answer he ever got in his life and he had a fair share of those. And it was so unlike Gabriel, or well maybe not; he never was straight-forward with certain things. At least it was something; maybe if Bobby and Sam put their heads together they would be able to make sense of it.

x~x~x

The second Gabriel took off from Singer Salvage he could feel the pull. Castiel's power and presence filling all of his senses. He could recognize it now just all too well. He had no choice but to let himself be summoned as he knew there was no hope fighting it. It's been unthinkably long ago since he had to be “obedient” towards anyone and it was impossibly hard to force himself back into the role, most of the time he didn't really succeed. Answering to Dean's curses and pleads was really pushing his luck, he knew it. If he was honest with himself he also already knew with almost absolute certainty that the little annoying bastard will get him killed... again.

Castiel was in his favorite Heaven as usual. Gabriel was glad for some reason that he didn't take up residence in the Garden itself even if he knew that it's been a very long time ago since his Father's presence last filled up that place. It was also strange to be in Heaven after so many years of being absent. Not like any of the angels actually acknowledged his presence in any form. He was rather sure that the reason for that was either Castiel's apparent kindliness towards him or the fact that he was gone for so long, leaving them all behind. There were angels who fought alongside the new “god” in the recent civil war, but so far their only reward was not being crushed down and obliterated like Raphael's followers. Castiel was not done with them yet even after the time that passed, but it was not like they could run. There has never been so much death in Heaven.

Castiel's favorite Heaven was stormy today. It shouldn't have changed from the never ending sunny afternoon, but this time there were gray clouds on the sky and the wind was sweeping through the trees violently. Gabriel didn't need more signs to know what kind of a mood Castiel was in. It made him cautious, but he tried to make himself look as calm as possible. He was good at keeping up an act, so he had no trouble with that.

Gabriel felt the lingering presence of burnt grace and it made his own divine light twist within him unpleasantly. Castiel killed a few of their brothers again. When he spoke up, Gabriel's voice was calm and nonchalant.

'You rang?' he asked. Castiel was silent and didn't even look at him or acknowledged his presence in any way for long moments. Gabriel tried to squash down the unease within that threatened to rise to the surface.

'I was under the impression... that we had an understanding, Gabriel,' the creature spoke. Gabriel may have bowed down to the higher power, but he would not call him 'God'.

'Yes, of course,' Gabriel replied.

'And yet... you seem to be going against my wishes,' Castiel said.

'What? Of course not, why would I--' He fell silent when Castiel was suddenly right in-front of him, the movement too fast even for the angel to follow. Gabriel stood still even if – like always – everything within him screamed to back away and flee. Castiel gripped his chin with his thumb and forefinger and tilted his head up to force eye-contact.

'Do. Not. Lie. To me. Gabriel, ' he said in a deep even tone.

'I wasn't--'

'Leather, gun-powder, dirt and rust... a scent I know well. It would've betrayed you even if I didn't know already where you have been,' Castiel explained to him slowly.

'I told him no... I just went to tell him no,' Gabriel insisted, his grace coiling within him in actual fear, and he had to fight down the urge to try and get free again. Castiel's presence was overwhelming and it shook him to the core when he felt the edge of anger from the swirling billions of souls in his proximity.

There was silence again for a very long time. Castiel did not let go of him so Gabriel stood still and waited, trying hard not to shift away his eyes from the cold blue ones locked on him.

'Gabriel,' the wind quieted down around them. 'Have I ever harmed you?' Castiel asked.

'No,' the archangel replied.

'Then why the fear? Why would you dread me so much?' It sounded like an honest question even if Gabriel had no idea what was expected of him as an answer.

'You need to learn, Castiel,' he started after licking his lips. 'That if you are powerful, you will be feared. That's just how things are.' Castiel hummed in a considering manner before he finally let go of Gabriel's chin. The archangel stood still and silent.

'I see and know, even from my own experience, were you are standing right now and I'd rather you didn't go down that path,' Castiel continued as he walked a bit further away. Gabriel remained silent. 'Especially not because of the Winchesters.'

This was not good, this was anything but good. Gabriel's mind raced to come up with the right words to say, having no clue how big a trouble he was in because of his quick visit to Dean. He knew he shouldn't have answered, he knew it.

'I will not punish you... or threaten you,' Castiel spoke again. Apparently keeping his mouth shut was the best course of action, so he listened. 'But I will not watch you become a tool in Dean Winchester's hand.' That made Gabriel frown a bit. 'Don't look so surprised, I know all too well how he speaks and yells and curses. Tells you how his is the righteous path to walk on, with all the right words. That's how I fell from grace,' he turned and locked his blue eyes on Gabriel. 'That's how you died.' There was a small distant smile on his face again, Gabriel did not like it; it was never reassuring to see it from what experience he had in dealing with Castiel since he was brought back.

'Now that I see clearer than ever, it is quite amusing to see how he plays the fool with jokes and games, while he oh so cleverly only speaks of things you need to hear in order to follow _his_ truth and his alone.'

'Aren't you giving him too much credit there?' Gabriel asked as casually as possible.

'No,' Castiel replied immediately. 'He played you like an instrument and he will do it again,' he stated calmly, with absolute certainty. He walked closer to Gabriel again, but did not stop in front of him, but by his side. 'Or do you think they spared a thought to your sacrifice after they got what they wanted? Did they raise a glass of liquor like they did for their fallen fellow hunters? No.'

'You don't make such choices just because you want your name to be praised,' Gabriel told him. He shouldn't argue, he knew that, but he had to speak, his own silence was driving him crazy.

'Of course not,' Castiel agreed.

'And I made the right choice then,' Gabriel stated, because even if this being was nothing like the brother he remembered, it was the fight against Lucifer and later against Raphael that got him here, so that he had to understand even now.

'You did. But what is Dean demanding from you now? Is the world burning? Am I destroying mindlessly? Spreading chaos and destruction and death in all worlds?' He fell silent and Gabriel could feel his gaze on him even if he didn't turn to look.

'No,' he answered silently.

'I am only punishing those who sought destruction and fought against me. Angels.' He was standing right next to Gabriel again, his presence towering on him like a heavy rainstorm. 'Oddly, he did not mind me killing angels when I did it for him.'

Gabriel swallowed down whatever words wanted to come out of his mouth when Castiel got even closer.

'I know you care,' Castiel said. 'He knows it too, once your mask has fallen off it is not that hard to read you. So what did he tell you this time? Why is your help needed? Let me guess... to save me?' Gabriel kept his gaze straight ahead deliberately even if he felt Castiel's presence by his side so very closely. 'Save me how? Strip me of my powers? Put me down like I'm some rabid dog?'

'Dean doesn't want to kill you,' Gabriel said.

'Or so he says, but he would if he could. The second he thinks there is no other option he will be willing to destroy me, like the great hunter he is.'

'No, he doesn't... you're his friend, or used to be... he wants that back.'

'He told me I was like a brother to him,' Castiel continued as he didn't even hear him. 'That should mean a lot to me, after all, we both know to what lengths Dean is willing to go for his brother. Do you really think he will be that devoted or loyal to me? He wouldn't be able to kill his own brother, not even if the sake of his world depended on it... but trust me Gabriel, despite all that I have done for him, for Sam, for humanity and with all I am still doing to preserve peace... he would still be willing to kill if he saw it as... his last resort.'

Gabriel wanted to argue, but he probably would not be able to find the right words to do so. He had no real proof that this was not the case.

'You know he would. And that is me, the one who got him out of Hell, who sacrificed and gave _everything_ to him. My loyalty, my grace, my life... I who fell for him from Heaven, who trusted and followed him and fought by his side for years, playing the angel on his shoulder. And he would kill me. No doubt about it. I am that sort of a _“brother”_ to him.' There was a few moments of silence after and the archangel didn't know whether he was supposed to speak or not, but he didn't really know what to say anyways.

'Tell me something Gabriel. Knowing all this, what do you think... how much is _your_ worth in his eyes? If he gets the answers he's demanding from you, would he care about how you may be punished for giving them? I know he never cared about that when demanding my help.'

Gabriel went very still after those words, frozen in place. This was all something he had never had to deal with. He was never so weak in someone's presence that they could intimidate him like this. Even another archangel couldn't just toss him around and his Father was never angry with him.

'I won't punish you,' Castiel told him quietly, but somehow the statement didn't make Gabriel relax. 'I know your worth, that's why bringing you back was one of the first things I did.'

'This is your home,' Castiel continued after a breath of silence. 'And I am who cares for you. Not him.'

The silence this time was a loaded one – Gabriel could tell – so he answered the only way he possibly could.

'I know that, Castiel.'

'Of course you do,' he replied and leaned just that bit closer to put his hand on the back of Gabriel's neck and a very light kiss on his temple. 'I just don't want you to forget about it.'

'I won't,' Gabriel said, putting as much conviction into his voice as he was capable of. It seemed like Castiel was satisfied by his answer as he vanished in the next moment. Gabriel could finally just take a deep breath he didn't actually need as the all-consuming presence lifted off of him.

x~x~x


	4. Chapter 4

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Dean presented Gabriel's waterdrop advice as his own idea, or tried to anyway. Bobby was skeptical, he could tell, but at least they started to work on it as much as they could. It took Dean a while to understand it himself, in the end he figured Gabriel probably meant that the souls were only dangerous because all of them were held so very tightly in one place inside of Castiel. He didn't know enough of magic to have any idea about what could possibly be something that would be able to put enough “pressure” on the souls until Castiel could no longer hold onto them. Because that was what he understood from Gabriel's words, that they just needed to give them a good shove – metaphysically speaking, Bobby added – and they would rush right back to their own place.

They didn't have anything specific to work on, but at least they had a plan and Bobby knew what to look for, so it was a start. Sam barely commented on the matter; he read whatever book Bobby put down in front of him, but he didn't seem all that excited about them finally having some sort of plan. Dean knew that he had things to deal with, horrible, painful things, but his apparent reluctance to actually help Castiel left an unpleasant feeling in Dean's gut. Cas was family for fuck's sake, so they won't just give up on him. Sam was angry at him, Dean got that, he was pissed as hell too, but they will have time to deal with that after Cas was Cas again. Not this creature claiming to be God, slaughtering angels. And also keeping Gabriel on a leash like this, because bloody hell the guy deserved better than that after putting his neck out and making a stand when it really mattered.

He didn't expect to hear from Gabriel anytime soon, but he couldn't stop guessing whether the archangel was in trouble or just trying to be careful. He didn't really dare to guess how things were in Heaven. From the way Gabriel talked about things, it had to be really bad. They were not desperate for help and they were also not in danger, so Dean didn't call for the angel again; it would've been stupid to risk him for nothing. That's why he was really surprised when he found Gabriel standing by the wall in his room in the middle of the night. At least he knew what woke him up. For a second he thought he was just imagining things, but the angel was there even after Dean rubbed the sleep out of his eyes.

'It's one thing that other angels don't get personal space and how creepy this is, but you know the drill, dude,' was the first thing Dean said after Gabriel stayed silent for long moments. 'Gabriel,' he prompted as he still didn't get an answer.

'I came to tell you not to call me anymore,' Gabriel said finally. Dean frowned as he swung his legs over the edge of the bed to sit on the side.

'You came here to tell me that you won't come here anymore?' he asked. 'Sounds a little contradictory.'

'No, I meant that, the next time you see me do not look at me like I'm your ally,' the archangel said darkly. Dean stood up to face him in the vague darkness.

'Are you this much in trouble?' he asked.

'No. Just realized where I was supposed to stand.' Dean stared at him for a moment again.

'So what? That's it? You just come here and tell me that I can go screw myself? That you're...'

'On Castiel's side.'

Dean huffed out a bitter laugh. 'How many times are we going to play this, Gabriel? One day you're ready to make a stand, then you go right back to square one, backing off and running away with your tail between your legs.'

'You better watch your mouth,' Gabriel warned.

'No! I am not going to watch my mouth! You can't back off, you can't just give in and bow down, because that's the coward's way and you damn well know it!'

'You don't have any idea what you're asking! You never do!' Gabriel snapped back at him angrily.

'I never ask for anything that I am not willing to do myself!' Dean shot back.

'Oh really?' Gabriel laughed unpleasantly. 'I don't think you would be willing to betray your precious Sammy for anyone's sake.'

'Newsflash Gabriel, when Sam was all high on demon-blood and told me he was strong enough to stop the apocalypse, I knew he was wrong and I locked his ass up in the basement! It's the same thing only bigger, Cas is not himself, and I'm only asking you to help me save him!'

'The apocalypse, exactly. There is no apocalypse now! Castiel made sure of it.'

'It is still wrong. What he did and how he ended up here.'

'He ended up like this because of you!' Dean fell silent at that. Gabriel's eyes were practically burning with anger, but Dean couldn't tell whether he was truly angry at him or something else. 'He did everything for you, sacrificed more than anyone.'

'That's why I want to save him, and I'm willing to do anything, trust me. Are you?' Gabriel stayed silent. 'That's just it, right? You're not. It's just too much for you.'

The room spun around Dean so fast that he got dizzy for a second. And wasn't that just a fucking deja vu, being slammed to a wall by this particular archangel?

'You don't have _any_ idea what you're asking for. You never understood really what Castiel sacrificed, how he suffered to follow you. You don't understand what you're asking me either.' He held onto Dean in a way that hurt the hunter a little, not the mention how the air was knocked out of him when he collided with the wall.

'But that's just it,' Gabriel continued. 'I don't think you care, because as long as things go the way you want them, as long as you believe it to be justified, no sacrifice is too great, is it?'

Dean wanted to argue, but it was hard to find his voice pinned to the wall like this.

'You know what I said to Lucifer before he stabbed me in the heart with my own blade? That I am loyal to humanity, because you are better than us.' The angel's hand tightened further in the thin material of Dean's t-shirt. 'I was wrong. You are not better than us. It doesn't matter, whether it's angels, gods or humans. We are all selfish, destructive, murderous things creating havoc and spreading death. No difference. So why would I choose you instead of my own brother, who gave me my life back? Who mourned my death and wanted me by his side, while you didn't even spare a thought on me as soon as you got what you wanted.'

Gabriel's voice dipped down to an almost growl in the end, his amber eyes were dark and stormy with anger and Dean could feel his gaze and his fury almost like a physical thing all around himself.

'You're wrong,' he managed to squeeze out.

'What?' Gabriel's eyes narrowed on him.

'Let go of me,' he said. The archangel visibly contemplated it before dropping his hand and Dean swallowed a few gulps of air as soon as he was standing securely on his own feet. Now he was getting pissed too. 'You're wrong,' he said again, this time with a steady voice.

'Oh, am I?' Gabriel asked. Dean wanted to curse in frustration, but he swallowed all back down and walked to his duffel bag. He couldn't believe that he had to do this, goddamit. He searched around for a little to get to an inner pocket and fish out what he was looking for. He already felt stupid, but he had to do something and he had no other idea. He marched back to Gabriel and he knew that his own face was just as stormy as the angel's or even more so. He grabbed Gabriel's forearm – the archangel let him of course – and shoved the damn thing into his palm.

'And fuck you very much,' he added, feeling stupid and embarrassed and angry at the same time. He had to step back and turn away a little, crossing his arms over his chest. The silence from the angel was a lot different; it felt like the electric charge that Dean could feel on his skin suddenly lifted off from the room.

'Why would you have such a thing?' Gabriel asked, and fuck if his voice didn't sound confused and maybe even a little uncertain. Dean looked back at the angel; he was looking down onto that stupid silver St. Gabriel pendant in his hand.

'It... just by accident okay, I didn't go out to get one... I just...' Dean cursed under his breath, because he would have to explain all of it, that was the point of showing it in the first place and damn, he already hated it. Gabriel stayed silent so Dean had no other choice but to start talking.

'So I stopped hunting for a while back, went civil y'know... did everything that belonged to it, a job, friggin' barbecues with the neighborhood, the whole apple-pie life.' Having to think about his life with Lisa still hurt, but at least it wasn't burning pain like before, only a numb ache in his chest.

'One weekend there was this couple, this pregnant lady and her husband. She was blabbing about her baby, and y'know I had to stick around and listen, cause that's what normal people do when they have guests. So... anyway, I wasn't really paying much attention, that until she mentioned you... and I don't mean someone called “Gabriel”, but she actually said “The Archangel Gabriel”. I may have choked on my beer pretty spectacularly. For one second I actually had no idea how on Earth did you pop up in that conversation, but then I realized obviously that you're not like Cas, that people, normal civil people, actually know you.' It was still such a bizarre thought, he couldn't help it. For him Gabriel belonged to this life, the hunter's life. 'Well, not personally. I mean, I know you're not the guy they teach about in Sunday School... well yes, you are _exactly_ the guy they teach about in Sunday School, they just added a lot of bullcrap and they don't know the whole truth.'

He took a breath and was finally able to look back at Gabriel. The angel was looking at him of course. His eyes darkened gold in the dim night-light and they practically bore into Dean. He had to suck it up and continue though, so he did.

'So she kept talking about how she's not worried about her baby, because every night she prays to the archangel Gabriel, and man... it was like a punch to the gut, y'know. I don't know why, but... I realized that there are millions of people out there in the world who do the same. And I know they don't know anything about anything, but even if they don't see any big divine miracles or whatever, they just... believe you're out there somewhere. And I knew you weren't.'

'Never been high on the religious stuff, that was Sammy's thing... so probably that was the reason I never really thought about it. That you're not just some random angel, some jackass playing a trickster, but...' he fell silent searching for the right words that didn't seem to come to him, but he tried, because damn he had to try and explain this whole shit. 'A few hours later she just walked up to me and shoved that damn thing into my hand, she said I look like I need it a lot more than her. I told her religion was not really my thing... she told me that... you definitely would help me if I asked for it.' He let out a humorless laugh and turned back towards Gabriel. 'And guess what, you did help when I've asked... so I didn't throw it away. Back then you were the only angel besides Cas who actually gave a damn about us stupid humans enough to actually do something to help. I thought, well, at least there's a bunch of people who are praying to the right angel... only... you were dead, I got you killed. People didn't know that, but I did. It was a really shitty thing to think about.'

Gabriel looked genuinely interested now; Dean counted it as a win. If nothing else, he managed to capture his attention.

'I was in a bad place,' Dean continued. 'I tried to live a life I didn't know, never knew, while Sam was gone, burning in Hell... Cas was in Heaven... and it just came crushing down on me how much was lost... and you, I didn't get. You fought the good fight in the end, just like Cas, but you were gone for good. God didn't lift a finger, and it didn't make sense to me.'

'I had nightmares about Sam jumping in that hole constantly, but I was keeping up a front for Lisa, cause I had to, as much as I could, it was bad enough even with me pretending. I couldn't go to Bobby, I left that life behind, and Cas fucked off to Heaven... I was losing it. It was too much... I got out of bed one night and got dressed to get out. And that thing there fell out of my jeans pocket,' he nodded at the pendant in Gabriel's hand. 'I went out and... no idea what I wanted, the house was just suffocating me. I looked at that thing and I thought that, I can't believe you idiot actually listened to someone like me, a sorry excuse of a human,' he huffed out of a breath. 'And that was it, that pressure I felt eased up, because you did. I felt like I failed, letting Sammy go and not being able to get him back... that I shouldn't have been standing there in a white picket fenced garden. But I remembered that I had many who actually had faith in me... and not just some average Joe, but someone like you too. An archangel... so there was no way I was going to just give up and rot away in my own misery. Not with that behind me...' He took a few steps closer to the archangel, his voice growing a bit steadier now.

'So no, don't tell me I forgot about you, because I don't think anyone was seared so deeply into my brain as you. I don't think I said anyone's name aloud as much as I said yours. I'm just glad you couldn't actually hear my drunken rants from wherever you were, all the times I cursed or shouted at the sky. And I was wearing that stupid thing, but then Sam came back, and I didn't want him to see it.' Dean took a breath and figured he can say the last bit too, not like it was the hardest to say. 'And you wanna know something? That moment when you appeared in our motel room, the first thing I thought, the very first thing I felt was... ok, you're back. Things are going to be fine now.'

The silence following Dean's words was almost tangible. Gabriel stood silently for long moments, turning the silver pendant over in his palm looking down onto it. Dean would've given a lot to know what was going through his head. He still felt idiotic for his speech right now, having no idea whether it had any effect, but at least he did what he could.

Then Gabriel started walking closer to him. The hunter didn't move away as the angel reached out. He only realized a moment later that he raised his hands to hang the pendant back around Dean's neck. The angel ran one of his hands down along the chain until his fingertips rested on the amulet itself for a moment. Then he leaned forward and rested his forehead just above the tiny metal pendant on Dean's breastbone. Dean was too surprised to move or talk; he was just frozen in place by the sudden proximity.

'You're asking too much of me,' the angel said. 'If I do what you want, it'll be the death of me... and I don't want to die.' Dean could feel the archangel's breath on his skin even through the material of the t-shirt. The quiet tone of his voice also spoke louder than anything. 'So please don't ask this of me, because if you do... I will. Castiel would see it as betrayal, and I wouldn't care...' it was Gabriel's turn to laugh, but just like Dean's before, it was hollow and empty, or even more so than his was. 'Seems like I just want to be someone better or someone braver when it's you asking me to do what's right.'

'Gabriel...' the angel laughed quietly again.

'I know... you just have to ask it, because you have no one else to ask.'

Dean moved without thinking wrapping his arms around the smaller body of the angel, just holding on for a bit. And it was true, he had no one else to ask, but he hated it. Hated that he couldn't deny it, that he couldn't say that he would stop asking, because it would've been a lie, because he knew he will be forced to reach out and plead with the one angel who was willing to help save his friend and the world from that uncontrollable mass of power, that creature he had become. And maybe he even hated himself because of it, for staying silent, admitting it. That he can't and won't stop asking.

Gabriel raised his head from his chest to look up at him and Dean again moved without thinking, sealing his lips on the angel's, one of his hands sliding up into his hair and holding him close. He didn't let go until Gabriel's lips parted and he could kiss him properly. He pulled away then only a little. They breathed into each other’s mouths, not moving further away, but not closing the gap again either.

'I...' Dean started. He licked his lips. The lingering feel of the kiss was still ghosting on it, making it tingle under his tongue. 'I have no idea where this came from,' he admitted, and he was as honest as possible.

'Me neither,' Gabriel answered and pulled him down into another kiss grabbing the back of his skull with his hand.

 

x~x~x


	5. Chapter 5

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Dean didn't resist, parted his lips and welcomed the kiss eagerly, returning it with heat. And he let go. He didn't want to think about this, he just knew that a fire lit up under his skin at the first touch of lips, an itching need he had to sate. Gabriel growled into his mouth and Dean let out a noise of surprise when the floor was suddenly gone from under his feet, he grabbed onto Gabriel's jacket by reflex to keep from falling. There was no need for it though; Gabriel picked him up from the ground by draping one arm around his hips easily, the other hand slid down to rest between his shoulder blades to keep him in place. Only a moment later the room tilted as Dean's back hit the bed with a heavy thud. He shouldn't have been surprised by the strength, but there was a difference between knowing and _knowing_. Dean was never the one to be easily manhandled, he was tall and heavy after all, so this was strange, and hotter than it had any right to be.

He pulled Gabriel closer, one hand grabbing the dark-gold hair tightly as the weight settled on him. Gabriel was way over-dressed compared to him, but feeling the rough fabric of the archangel's jeans through his thin boxers was not bad at all. He still wanted to be on even ground.

He yanked on the denim jacket and Gabriel moved to shrug out of it without moving his lips away from Dean's mouth. He tossed it across the room and moved his mouth down to Dean's neck. A wet slide of his tongue and biting kisses were left on his way and Dean was sure there would be marks later. He didn't mind, he was too busy trying to get Gabriel's shirt off, there were buttons flying when he grew impatient and couldn't really reach between their bodies to undo them. Gabriel pulled away a little to take it off and the look on his face and the darkness in his eyes just grew in intensity in the past minutes. Dean thought he was going to be burnt alive by the heat he saw there; with an archangel maybe it was possible.

He slid his fingers under the materiel of Gabriel's undershirt to get him to take it off too and the angel complied and pulled it over his head a moment later, the garment landing on the floor like everything else.

Dean put his hands on Gabriel's waist, his fingers digging into his flesh. The angel in return ground his hips down and the simple movement tore a moan out of the hunter. He had no idea what this was. Not for him and neither for Gabriel, but it didn't stop him. The last of their clothing was coming off piece by piece, torn off and tossed aside hastily until they were finally skin to skin, their bodies heating up even further and moving together on the bed. Dean felt like he was apologizing and asking for forgiveness with kisses and touch. And Gabriel? Every stroke from his fingers, every drag of lips seemed to have a hint of desperation, like he was reaching out to feel. Feel that he was alive, tasting and breathing it in. Like he already accepted that he soon would be gone again, this time forever, and he just wanted to have this if there was nothing else left for him. Thinking about this felt like something was tearing at Dean's insides, because he did that. He wanted to speak, but couldn't bring himself to. It would've been a lie. So he just kissed him that much harder, that much fiercer while grinding his body to his and wanting to give whatever the archangel wanted to take.

His legs fell apart easily as Gabriel slid between them and the touch of their bare cocks drew moans of pleasure out of Dean. He never went this far with a man and the lack of any sort of worry was almost surprising. His body was humming with pleasure and Gabriel felt just perfect on top of him. His weight, his body shape, the skin of his back under Dean's blunt nails, the lips on his throat, the heated breath that made goosebumps appear on his skin.

The first touch of Gabriel's hand on his dick almost made him lose it, it just felt so good. His grip was just tight enough and expert, making Dean impossibly hard within a minute, the head becoming slick and shiny with the precome leaking out of it. Gabriel was taking him apart so easily. When the angel's hand traveled even lower Dean was struck by the reality of how this was going and he didn't want it to be like this, Gabriel taking charge so much while Dean lay under him, lost in his own pleasure.

'Wait,' he breathed out. It pretty much proved that Dean could trust him with this when Gabriel stopped right away. His eyes found Dean's again; he looked wrecked, as much as Dean felt, at least. His lips were red and swollen, his eyes darkened and his skin shiny with a thin layer of sweat, and for some reason in the dim light of the room, looking down at Dean like this, he looked a whole lot more angelic than he ever did before, and yeah he didn't give a fuck how girly that sounded even in his own head.

'Not insisting on it,' Gabriel said, probably thinking that Dean was putting on the breaks.

'Hm, no, not that,' Dean told him and turned them over; Gabriel went pliant and let himself be moved. 'I just want something else first.' There was a hint of a question in Gabriel's gaze, but he didn't voice it. He probably realized where this was going the next moment. Dean trailed his hands down on the angel's chest and stomach, lifting himself up to his knees so that he could move easier. Gabriel sucked in a breath as Dean moved lower on the bed and the hunter's hands reached his thighs. He lowered his mouth back to the skin in front of him, slowly inching lower with his lips on Gabriel's stomach and enjoyed how the muscle quivered lightly at the attention.

So he officially lost his mind, but damn he actually wanted this. He wondered whether he could unravel Gabriel, make him throw down all his walls the way he could always do it with his words, skin him of all pretense and games. Maybe make him moan out Dean's name too, in the meantime. He wanted to take his time, explore every inch of skin and see what reactions it caused, but the fire burning in the pit of his stomach didn't let him linger for too long.

He never did this before, but been on the receiving end more than enough times, and while he knew that doing something mind-blowing takes practice, he also knew that it would take some pretty spectacular glitch to make one not good. Gabriel groaned at the first touch of Dean's tongue, his fingers flexing in the sheets, one hand moved a bit, wanting to reach out maybe. There was nothing wrong with the taste; it was just warm skin after all. Soft delicate skin on hard flesh, making it feel completely different than anything else on Gabriel's body that Dean touched with his lips so far. The tip on the other hand, the blunt thick head shiny with moisture, was different. It filled his mouth with the salty taste the second he ran his tongue over it, and Gabriel sucked in a breath in reaction. Dean gripped the base, wrapping his fingers around the hardened length, moving it up and down a few times to get used to the feel of it in his hand, then wrapped his lips around the tip, paying attention to keep his teeth out of the way.

Gabriel's hand moved now and gripped his shoulder, it was the one marked with the hand-print, but that was not a train of thought he wanted to start right now. He tongued at the slit before adding some suction, causing Gabriel to moan, which encouraged Dean. He took a bit more into his mouth; his lips stretched around it and the weight pressed down on his tongue. His mouth felt so full already that he suddenly wondered for a second how the hell anyone could deep throat. He hushed away the thought and focused on what he was doing. He stroked what he couldn't get into his mouth, starting up a slow rhythm. Then he started bobbing his head up and down, sucking whenever he pulled up. Gabriel's hips moved the tiniest bit, like his instincts wanted to make him thrust up, but he kept himself in control and stayed still. Dean grew more confident as the moments passed and Gabriel's breathing picked up even more, as soft, pleased sounds fell from his lips.

He let Gabriel's dick slip out of his mouth and slid his lips and tongue down on the side, making even the part he couldn't suck slick and shiny with spit. He could glance up at the angel now, and like he knew that Dean was looking at him his amber eyes opened right away and locked on the hunter. Pupils blown and his eyes so dark with lust, want and something else Dean couldn't read. Gabriel looking like this felt better somehow, felt like more than all the ecstasy he saw on the faces of the women he bedded combined. All the screams Dean heard on countless nights were nothing compared to the quiet moan Gabriel let out as his mouth fell open a little in reaction to Dean licking on his dick again with his eyes locked on the angel this time.

He was yanked up the next second from his position and flipped over in a blink, Gabriel's body on top of his again and the angel shoving his tongue into his mouth. Dean kissed back and Gabriel groaned, his hips grinding down. Then he dipped his chin and turned his head to give himself access to Dean's neck, his kisses were almost bites. Gabriel pushed a leg under his and pressed it up by bending his knee; he had enough space between the hunter's legs right away. Dean had to wrap that leg around his waist; it was the most comfortable thing to do. Gabriel seemed to like it. He settled and let their dicks slide together for a few moments. All his movements seemed a lot less careful and a lot more vehement, along with his harsh breathing, Dean knew how turned on he was. The knowledge made his blood boil and made him thirst for more, they were both burning with want.

This time when Gabriel shifted his hips away to reach down Dean didn't resist for a second. Gabriel mouthed at his chest then closed his lips around a nipple as his fingertip teased Dean's opening. He had no idea what made the angel's finger feel so slick. The touch was something very much out of Dean's experience, but he welcomed it, trying to relax his body for what would come next. Gabriel pushed in the first finger and Dean's muscle tensed, trying to force it out until he could manage to get himself to relax. Gabriel pulled away from his nipple far enough to be able to look down at the hunter. His free hand wrapped around Dean's dick and he pushed his finger in deeper looking down at him with his darkened golden eyes the entire time. Dean couldn't turn away or close his eyes, he stared right back as the angel gave him a strange and delicious mixture of pain and pleasure.

The second finger slipped inside easier, maybe because Gabriel took enough time with the first one, or maybe because Dean was so aroused that his cock was hard and leaking, painting his stomach with precome. All he knew was that the pain slipped away into nothing and his body was craving more of this new pleasure that was never given to him before. And the way Gabriel was looking at him now couldn't be called anything but hunger. His two fingers were moving in and out of Dean's hole, stretching the muscle and almost able to slip in completely. Then suddenly Dean's back arched up from the bed as a sudden flash of pleasure ran up his spine making him moan out loud.

'That's it,' Gabriel said. A predatory smile was playing on his lips as he moved his hand just right again, Dean moaned as sparks exploded behind his eyelids. 'Yes, I got you now.'

Dean wanted to answer, but he couldn't find his voice as Gabriel kept up what he was doing. Teasing that fucking perfect spot inside, making Dean press his hips down onto the fingers, his body begging for more instinctively. He reached out, grabbing Gabriel’s shoulder and neck tightly. Talking was overrated; he didn't want Gabriel to stop, not for anything. No, he wanted more from this, maybe he managed to say that one out loud; he had no idea.

He felt the stretch of the third finger, but that sensation was almost lost in the pleasure his body was humming with. He didn't pay attention to what noise or words were coming out of his mouth, nor to how his body was writhing under Gabriel's. He was fucking losing his mind and they were not even at the main event. Oh, the archangel definitely knew how to take him apart.

As the fingers were pulled out of him it left an empty feeling behind, and Dean's mind cleared a little from the endorphin fog he was already drowning in. First he felt the blunt slick head of Gabriel's cock at his stretched entrance, then how the archangel's breath ghosted over his neck and his ear. He was not pushing in, not yet and Dean wanted to just grab his ass and pull him inside, but Gabriel took one of his hands in his own, entwining their fingers, and pushing it down to the bed. His other hand guided Dean's other arm upwards until it rested above his head. Then pulled the first one up to it and pinned them down, holding them in place with one hand easily. Dean didn't even try to struggle. Gabriel's voice was right next to his ear when he spoke, he could feel his hot breath.

'Your body is screaming for this, Dean,' he said. He moved his hip just the tiniest bit, the head of his cock pressing at Dean's hole, but still not pushing inside. His breathing was shallow and quick as he talked. 'You want me to take you... you want to feel this, how I stretch you open more, fill you up. You want me to bury myself in you, go as deep as possible. Your body... and I want it. You will feel perfect, hot and tight... and you will give me this... is this a farewell? Giving me something I want... for...'

'Gabriel... I want you, I... fuck... no, not a goodbye,' he said, refused to seal Gabriel's fate. The angel rested his free hand on his jaw and kissed him on the lips. Their foreheads touched and whatever words Dean wanted to say died on his lips as Gabriel pushed inside.

The stretch was sudden and the sensation bordered on painful as the angel pushed in all the way in a slow yet steady thrust. He did stop to let him adjust and relax once he was fully in. For Dean it felt almost too much, and he couldn't move with the way Gabriel held him in place. And the second he realized how completely and utterly at the angel's mercy he was right now, how readily he gave up control, and how this didn't fill him with dread or panic, he realized that he truly didn't want this to be a goodbye. He wanted it to be a beginning and not an end.

Gabriel started to move and any thoughts Dean had vanished from his head immediately. He couldn't control the noise coming out of his mouth, couldn't think of anything, just this, right here, right now, it was everything. He was trying to meet every thrust with his hips, but he still couldn't move almost at all. His wrists were pinned down to the bed and Gabriel's other hand moved to his hip, gripping him tightly, while he thrust inside of his body at a hard pace. Just as Gabriel said, he was stretched open, filled up and taken, hard and fast, and he loved every second of it.

Gabriel didn't talk anymore, his breathing was hard, but he himself was quiet, too quiet for Dean's liking. Dean was noisy enough for the both of them though, panting out the angel's name between his breathless moans. Then Gabriel's dick found the right spot inside of him, sending him over the edge hard and suddenly, his muscles tensing up in his body completely as pleasure washed over him, making him trash in the angel's grip. Gabriel groaned loudly as Dean clenched down on him and he lost his rhythm, thrusting in even harder and following the hunter with his own climax, the hot wetness filling Dean up inside.

He stopped and rested his head on Dean's chest, letting go of his wrists a second later and just breathed. Dean put both of his hands around him the moment he was free trying to catch his own breath.

'Don't... don't forget about me,' Gabriel said quietly, it was almost difficult to hear it with their hard breaths filling up the silent dark room. Dean felt as Gabriel touched the pendant hanging around his neck. Dean put a hand on his jaw to get him to look at him. The angel's golden eyes were still gazed over, but they were already darkened with something else than the after-glow. His eyes looked older than ever, no trace of mischief or laughter in them.

'Impossible,' he said. He moved his hand over the angel's cheek then put a stray lock from his forehead back to its place, sliding his fingers into his hair again. Dark gold too, just like his eyes, like the angel's grace was shining through the vessel's body, but with a warm golden glow instead of the cold silver white all other angels shone with. Maybe Gabriel did shine with golden light, he was so very unlike every other angel he has even encountered after all.

Gabriel kissed him, let their mouths meet in a slow and deep touch of lips and tongues. And it felt so very much like a goodbye-kiss that Dean reflexively tightened his arm around the angel and his fingers in his hair, holding close, just a bit more. Gabriel looked down at him again when their kiss ended and smiled, a gentle smile, sad and glad at the same time.

'I stopped time,' he said. 'Because I didn't have any, and I didn't want anyone else knowing I came here.'

That certainly explained why Sam and Bobby didn't kick in the door when Dean started to get loud.

'Gabriel...' he fell silent when the archangel shook his head.

'You know what bothers me?' he asked. 'That I think I could've loved you, Dean Winchester.'

Dean's eyes widened at the words and just gaped without knowing what to answer. Gabriel pulled out and put a last tiny kiss on Dean's lips moving away. The hunter knew he would be gone in a second. So he reached out. One hand grabbed the angel's forearm and he waited until he looked back at him before he started talking.

'I think I could've... loved you back.'

'Maybe,' Gabriel smiled and the next second there was only air in Dean's grasp and the angel was gone.

x~x~x


	6. Chapter 6

x~x~x

 

Gabriel flew as far away from the hunter as possible, his vessel's skin growing cold in the night air, the heat from his body disappearing. He really was freakin' sentimental, loving too easily, too hard. Not being able to hide from the truth when they fell from those lips, not being able to look away from those too pained, too honest, too hopeful green eyes. So stupid, so the right thing to do. Damn it all. His lips tasted of kisses, his skin hummed with the ghost of touches, but most of all his grace was burning up. Dean was right; he left the coward's way before, stopped hiding and running. Drew courage from one little human, what he himself lacked. He may have been the stronger one, but Dean was the braver.

Gabriel stopped and sat down to a tree-trunk he found where he appeared. He let his gaze drift over to the view of a city further away at the foot of the mountains. His mind raced with all the possible scenarios, how things could go after this. None of them ended well for him, which was no surprise. He just tried to think of something where at least Dean would be fine, with Sam safe and Castiel saved. There were not many possibilities.

The sky here was a brilliant, clear blue, not a single cloud in sight. The cold light of the sun shone down brightly and it made everything look sharp and still.

'Ok, so this is nuts, but... Father... who art somewhere around here, hope you like Earth, try Vegas if you didn't already...' he let out a dry chuckle. 'Sorry. I don't even know whether you'd like my sense of humor; the last time we saw each other I didn't really have one. It's been a very long time since I’ve done this. I knew that even if you did listen to me you still would not answer, so I didn't see the point. So many angels must've prayed to you in the past years, asking for your guidance while searching for their right path. Asking for help, a sign that what they did was right, asking for mercy and forgiveness.'

Just thinking about how many of his brethren died by the hands of another angel made his grace twist and cringe. Of all the horrible things angels did, slaughtering each other this way was something Gabriel hated the most. He only ever raised his blade at one other, at Lucifer, and even then he couldn't strike him down.

'I'm not going to ask for either of those, I know it doesn't work that way. Perks of being the herald, I guess. I like to think that I know some sides of you a bit better than the rest... well maybe, maybe not, no way for me to know for sure. I know your decision about me was made, that if there was no out-of-death ticket the first time around, there will be none the second time either. And I'm not going to ask for it.'

He wasn't sure how that made him feel. It was saddening – cripplingly so in some moments – but for the most part it just left him with a numb and empty feeling.

'I'm not gonna start whining to you, don't worry. Nor will I go into raptures over my grand decision of doing what is right after so much time. You see, I still don't want to do it, but I will, for more than one reason. Nothing heroic about it, well besides the fact that one big stupid hero apparently has such a power over me, making me all stupid and heroic too.' He laughs fondly at that, thinking of how it seems that Dean has that effect on him.

'So no, it doesn't make me better than any of the other angels; in fact, it only makes me a weapon in someone else's hand. But it's the right hands, so I don't mind. I'd do the worst possible thing on my own, and this long string of bad decisions is just getting embarrassingly pathetic, even for me. Or sad, you decide.'

He took a breath gazing out at the city again.

'At least pride never made it on my sin list. I mean, I do have four down,' he laughs again. 'And there's no way I will regret lust or gluttony, because... oh life would've been so much worse down here... oh, by the way, sorry about the whole “pagan god” thing, that probably surprised even you.'

He sobered up again a moment later. 'It's always the favorites. Growing prideful, like seeing the proof that you love them more than the rest is just too much to bear, like they crumble under the weight of it. Just a thought, at least I don't have to fear that happening to me.' He smiled, and then he had to look away from the bundle of life that was the city down in the distance.

'I'm babbling. Definitely not used to doing this anymore. I used to be a lot more straightforward, almost getting to the point right away. Not sure I like who I used to be, not even sure I like who I am now. I just have to deal with being who you made me to be and what I turned myself into.' He took another deep breath and linked his hands together, resting his elbows on his knees.

'The one reason I’m talking to you right now is that I’m going to try to get things in order again. Maybe I’ll succeed, maybe not. I don't know. But what I do know is that no matter how it will end for me, I want to make sure they're okay. Dean and Castiel... because... I ran, I hid myself and pretended life was about fun and pleasures, when I knew I was wrong. I abandoned all my brethren when they needed me. I almost never made the right choice, I'm just not... not like that, maybe not good enough, maybe not wise enough, just not enough, never enough. Something's always missing from me. So I know why I was doomed to parish, I know why... but... they did what was needed to be done. They bled and suffered all these years. Fought hard and sacrificed even more for what was right. I just want them to be fine. They can't just end up like this after everything. Dean and Sam losing more, after almost having nothing left and Castiel... oh, brave, righteous, curious little Castiel. Of all the angels... he can't die and vanish like this, like this creature. He doesn't deserve this fate...'

He took a deep breath again and looked up at the sky.

'So I'm asking you, please, Father... may your all-seeing eyes rest upon them in this time of need. Let them be safe and saved.'

It's not like he had any way of knowing whether he was heard. He didn't know whether it made a difference or not, but his Father intervened before, so there was always hope. And for the first time in a long time Gabriel had the faith to cling to that hope.

'He cannot hear you,' he heard the voice behind himself and it made him tense up immediately. 'But I did.'

He wanted to turn around and say something, but there was a hand closing around his throat and the last thing he saw was the dark, furious blue of Castiel's eyes before he was dragged across space and spheres.

He was slammed to a hard surface, his back colliding so heavily that he felt his vessel's flesh bruise, but the hand gripping his throat was even more painful.

'I warned you, Gabriel. Time and time again, explained it to you. And yet, it's like all my words were spoken in vain.'

'Castiel--' the hand tightened even further, cutting of air to silence him.

'I have been kind to you and patient. Patient beyond measure. Gave you back your life, welcomed you on my side and this... this is how you thank me for my generosity?'

Gabriel couldn't speak, but it didn't seem like Castiel wanted him to anyways.

'Why do you all betray me?' he asked. 'Even you. I have done nothing to you, I saved you, I saved everyone!' He pulled closer, his fingers still firmly wrapped around Gabriel's neck. The archangel felt the overwhelming presence of this creature he came to know, that only sometimes reminded him of the brother he remembered. Not this time though, there was nothing from the old Castiel here now.

'Why you too, Gabriel? Why must you betray me too?' his voice dropped down to an almost whisper. It still held the same power it always did, but him speaking this softly only made Gabriel's skin crawl more.

'Castiel, I have not--'

'Don't you dare lie to me!' the creature thundered, his power lashing out and closing in around Gabriel's grace, enwrapping him tightly. A deadly grip, because the angel knew that like this it would take Castiel less than a thought to tear his grace apart.

'Maybe you made sure to clean your vessel of his scent, but it is there... he's everywhere, like a disease infecting you. In your mind, in your heart, in your grace.' He was close enough now that their noses were almost touching. 'You can try hiding it, but I know where you've lain and with whom.' An unpleasant smile was on Castiel's lips, only briefly visible, but there nonetheless. 'Is that your price nowadays?'

Gabriel glared up defiantly at the other, not caring whether it would get him in more trouble. Not like it mattered at this point.

'Is this the... _pagan_ way of choosing alliance?' he asked then. He may have sounded conversational, but the edge of power was not gone from his voice despite the gentle tone, nor did the steel-grip vanish from around Gabriel's grace. 'I'm not surprised about Dean being willing to whore himself out for a cause, but is your loyalty really this cheap?'

Gabriel started to struggle against the hold in his anger, but his body, just as his grace, was trapped by the greater force. The second he started fighting back Castiel's face darkened further, his fingers tightening their hold around his neck and also the souls flared up in a suffocating wash of power.

'If you think that there is actually a choice for you... then you are very much mistaken,' Castiel said. 'I gave you this life, I re-created you. You are mine.'

Gabriel fought against the bond on his grace more heavily now, but the harder he pushed the more painful it was, the strain on his true self was increasing every second he tried to get free of the souls' grip. Then two fingers were on his lips and it made him freeze for a second.

'Shhh... hush now, you're hurting yourself,' Castiel shushed him in a whisper. He leaned even closer than he was before, only the two fingers between them separated their lips. Cas' nose was right there next to his, touching his only a little when Castiel moved and Gabriel could feel his hot breath on his skin. The archangel was so focused on shaking off the hold from his grace that he didn't notice up until now how he was crowded to the flat surface at his back. Castiel's taller frame was covering his, and his body was only inches away. Not close enough to touch, but not far enough not to feel the power radiating from under his skin. Gabriel went very still.

Castiel's fingers ran over his lower lip slowly. 'You can't betray me, Gabriel. I won't let you,' he breathed out, his fingers slid down to the corner of his mouth then to his jawline and now there was nothing between them but a breath. Castiel was so close that he was whispering into his mouth, lips almost touching and still he couldn't get away. 'What you are, all of it, belongs to me.'

Too close now, at some words spoken his chapped lips grazed Gabriel's for a brief second, and with every word that left his mouth he was getting even closer, in every sense of the word. His body may have not been touching his, not yet anyways, but his power was wrapped around Gabriel's grace and the angel could feel the vicious souls humming under the surface, very much pleased with the captured prey.

'Everything,' he said. His lips moving to the corner of Gabriel's mouth for a moment, then back. 'Your life... your grace... your light and thoughts... this vessel you're wearing... your pain,' his voice went cold and hard in a blink and the hold on Gabriel's grace tightened forcefully, tearing out a pained cry from his mouth. He sucked in a breath to silence himself a second later even if the pain was still burning him to his core. The hold eased up a few moments later and Gabriel was breathing hard even after it ended as the pain ran all-over his human body too, leaving a sharp ache in its trail.

'Or even your pleasure,' Castiel said then and Gabriel gasped at the new wave of sensation. It soothed the pain and lit up his grace. His body tensed up and Castiel even let go of his neck, he could breathe again. The same hand moved to the back of his skull to hold him in place, and he was kissed next.

This force, this terrifying, overwhelming presence that was Castiel, wrapped around his being so tightly, so completely, that it muted out and washed away everything else. He couldn't sense anything from Heaven nor from Earth, the whispers of the angels in the back of his mind fell quiet and so did the constant buzz of prayers from Earth. It was silence for long moments, silence Gabriel has never known, not even when he desperately tried to close out all noise from Heaven and his brothers in his self-inflicted exile. Then he heard the souls. No clear thoughts, just the impression of some, one after the other, too many of them even for Gabriel to keep track, all too harsh, too wild, all fighting for control, a whirlwind of never-ending whispers.

The powerful hold on his grace was lighting him up with an unwanted wave of pleasure and he felt how his vessel filled with endorphins, the excitement spreading all over, carried by his blood. His grace was so tightly gripped and held that he couldn't even use his power to clear his body from it. His breath quickened up and sweat broke out on his skin as his body-temperature rose, and still he was kissed, a hard, unyielding press of full lips. Like Castiel wanted to erase even the memory of Dean's kisses.

Gabriel may have struggled a bit, both physically and metaphysically, but there was no use. He was trapped. He was weak, so very weak facing such power. Castiel's other hand came up to his chest, fingers spread over his heavy-beating heart. Fear, and the fire twirling and burning in his grace, made the small organ flutter like a scared bird in his ribcage. A few buttons at the the top of his shirt were torn down until most of his chest was uncovered and Castiel's hand could rest on his skin. There was scorching heat seeping into his flesh from the contact. Heat more intense than an archangel's grace, any archangel's grace. It soaked into his flesh, his bones, reaching every cell in his vessel's body. All he could feel was this power surrounding him, none of his senses physical or beyond that were capable of feeling anything but Castiel. The pleasure he was fighting against flared up again, impossibly so and it actually tore an intense orgasm out of his body.

His lips were finally let go after that and the hold on him eased up. His body was shaking like a leaf and he hated that he couldn't make it stop, because his true angelic self was not any better, his grace trembled with the after-shock. He was panting heavily, his eyes shut tightly as he felt Castiel draw back from him in every sense of the word.

'Gabriel,' he heard, and he wouldn't have opened his eyes, didn't want to face this creature again, but something was off, strange, so he looked up. Startled blue eyes were looking back at him, honest shock in the depths of them. In this one second Gabriel saw his little brother looking back at him from behind that face.

He had no words to say, so he fled while he could. Even if he knew he wouldn't be able to run very far or for very long.

  


x~x~x

Dean was sure that he wouldn't see Gabriel again, not for a while anyway. His muscles were sore and he felt drained in every way possible, but sleep wouldn't come to him, so he cleaned up and got dressed. It was too early to go down to the kitchen, he didn't want to wake Bobby or Sam, so he just laid down on top of the covers and stared at the ceiling in the dark room. His mind was racing again, while his fingers idly played with the silver pendant hanging around his neck. It seemed like he was getting what he wanted, Gabriel's help in saving Castiel, but somehow the whole idea left a sour taste in his mouth. There was no plan, or he just didn't know about it, and there was absolutely no guarantee that whatever help the archangel could offer would really save Cas. It just didn't sit well with Dean to fucking use Gabriel like this... damn, for anything; he was not his fucking sacrificial lamb. And damn that idiot angel for smiling like that when he left. Saying _“Maybe”_ like that, like Dean only returned his sentiment out of fucking pity or something. Dean knew why he thought that, he understood it completely, and that just made him all the angrier. Gabriel was the worst, most painful mirror he ever had to look into.

Everything was screwed the hell up, so no, Dean couldn't sleep. Hours ticked by and yet he still couldn't shut his eyes again. He almost yelped in surprise when suddenly the bed dipped with the extra weight of a person. The immediate tension seeped out of him when he realized it was Gabriel, but he was beyond confused. The archangel put his head down to the pillow, his face towards the middle of the bed, but almost completely buried in the bed so it was hard to see his face.

'Gabriel, I th--'

'I'm gonna rest here for a little while, if that's okay with you,' Gabriel interrupted. His tone was quiet and he was so still, not moving at all. If he wouldn't have been breathing Dean would have a hard time deciding whether he was alive at all.

'Did something happen? I didn't think I'll see you again for a while,' he was relieved that he was wrong, because Gabriel was here, still well and alive.

'I don't think there's too much time, so... just let me... I just need a little rest.'

Dean frowned at him and the quiet tone he was talking at, but even if he felt that something was not right, he was almost absolutely certain that he wouldn't get an answer even if he asked again. He slid down from his half-sitting position until his head rested on the pillow too and rolled on his side to face Gabriel. He didn't pull closer; he just lay there far enough that he could be ignored, but close enough to touch if either of them reached out. Gabriel took a large breath and his shoulders visibly relaxed, a moment later he slid closer and curled up a little, his forehead just barely touching Dean's chest, their legs touching too, but only a little.

Dean had the urge to speak, to ask, but the words were stuck in his throat so he just put one hand on the back of Gabriel's neck, let his chin rest on the top of his head. He closed his eyes and tried to relax too. He was asleep almost immediately.

x~x~x


	7. Chapter 7

x~x~x

 

Gabriel couldn't sleep of course. He couldn't actually rest, either, in the traditional sense of the word, but he managed to calm down and clear his mind while he listened how Dean's breathing evened out next to him. His troubled grace was soothed as he breathed in the man's scent. Maybe it was only just the mixture of soap, leather and gunpowder, but it was enough. The fact that he was allowed to lie down here next to him without any questions asked was a novelty Gabriel could appreciate. It was trust and comfort given to him by someone he surely didn't deserve it from.

A few minutes after Dean fell asleep he shifted in his position, instinctively pulling closer to the nearby body heat, to Gabriel. His hand slid down from Gabriel's neck to his back, so now he was actually embraced tightly. It was ignominiously girly to be held like this and he would deny it forever that he's actually enjoying it. And then again, he won't be able to enjoy it much longer.

He didn't quite understand how he could catch a glimpse of his little brother – if that was really what he saw – and he had no way of knowing how long would it take for the souls to take over again. It would be soon, he knew. Maybe he shouldn't have come here, maybe he should've gone as far away from the Winchesters as possible, but he didn't even think about where he was going he just let his wings take him and he ended up lying on Dean's bed. Sometimes he was over-thinking things, other times he listened to his gut; this was a case of the second one. Besides, this really was not such a bad place to spend his last hours at, especially not like this.

Then he felt it. How that powerful, burning presence approached. He sat up immediately which of course woke Dean up. The hunter was sitting even before he blinked the sleep out of his eyes. Before he could speak a word Gabriel sealed his lips to his in a hard, quick kiss. He pulled away just as fast as he leaned in. Dean was staring at him in confusion, but the archangel didn't have time to explain. He reached out with his power to the other parts of the house and yanked all three humans with himself outside to the yard. There was no reason to run, but there was no need to level the house down to nothing.

Dean stumbled as he found himself in a standing position. Both Sam and Bobby were dressed so they were obviously already awake, although Sam had a piece of toast in his hand, while Bobby held a coffee mug. Their stunned expression would've amused Gabriel greatly on an average day, but not right now.

Dean looked around swiftly, taking in his surroundings, the scrapyard barely lit by the slowly brightening sky, dawn was arriving, but the sun had yet to show up on the horizon. Dean then looked back at Gabriel with a confused expression on his face.

'Gabriel, what is--' there was no time for him to finish, because it all made sense the second Castiel appeared in a heavy whirlwind of power, rousing up the rust-powder and dust in the scrapyard. Again, all traces of the angel was gone. Just power, just the souls, nothing else.

'I am very disappointed in you, Gabriel,' he said in a dark tone.

'You're not the first one, believe me,' he replied. He wished he had more time to plan this, because right now he guessed he had like one percent chance to succeed and that was way shitty.

'Don't be foolish,' Castiel warned.

'Sorry,' Gabriel shrugged. He had no idea whether Dean standing there or just the complete hopelessness was what brought his confident cockiness back, but right now he felt like he would be able to laugh even if he was facing down good ol' uncle Death. Yeah, _definitely_ Dean was to blame for this one.

'Do not force me to--'

'Oh, you arrogant dicks are so good at playing the martyrs,' Gabriel interrupted. 'I'm going to murder you in cold blood, Gabriel, but it's definitely your fault. I'm just the gracefully suffering victim.' He snorted. 'You know who the last one to feed me this bullshit was? Lucifer. You managed to grow an even bigger ego. Congratulations.'

Castiel's face darkened at being compared to the fallen archangel, the self-righteous were so predictable.

'I have given you, everything. And you're throwing it back to my face,' he said.

'Right... everything, but that tiny little thing, what was it called? Oh right, free will. Ring a bell?'

'I've run out of patience with you,' Castiel said without reacting to Gabriel's words. The archangel pointedly kept his gaze away from the humans, he was standing between them and Castiel and they didn't interrupt so far, which was good. Castiel was looking at him and he met his gaze head-on, nothing to lose now after all. 'Don't think I'll go as easy on you as I did with Raphael.'

'Yes, tearing angels apart to tiny pieces does get old after a while,' Gabriel replied, which of course angered Castiel further. He definitely expected more fear, but he won't get that this time. He looked at Gabriel for another moment before his gaze shifted away, looking at Dean.

'I think I’ll start with the one you were so eager to side with. It's something long over-due.'

Gabriel moved and stepped in-front of Dean, blocking the way.

'No,' he said.

'You think you can stop me?' Castiel asked.

'No, you can kill me easily, but I am still strong enough to make sure that you can only get to them through me,' he answered. Castiel's eyes narrowed.

'You're hardly an obstacle.'

'It's a matter of principle,' Gabriel said easily. Castiel's face darkened with anger and he made a step forward before stopping again, changing his mind.

'Principle,' he said, almost absentmindedly. 'Yes, or an example. A very good example for all to see, and I want Dean to enjoy his handy-work as well.'

Castiel didn't move closer, so there went that one percent, Gabriel had no chance to speak, to think, to do anything. There was only pain.

x~x~x

Gabriel screamed. Not only in his human voice, his entire being cried out in agony, ripping an unbearable sound through the air as the archangel fell to his knees. All windows and windshields shattered all around the junkyard as Sam, Dean and Bobby all jerked their hands up to their heads to try and protect their ears as much as they could from damage.

It ended after a few horribly long moments. Gabriel was breathing hard as he heavily leaned to his hand resting on the ground to keep himself up as much as he could. Dean saw as blood was dripping down to the dust, but he didn't see the angel's face to be able to tell where he was bleeding.

'Still stubborn?' Castiel asked in a mild tone. 'Didn't change your mind?'

'No,' Gabriel spat out between large gulps of air Dean wasn't sure he needed, but the way his body was trembling, maybe he needed it now. The next moment Gabriel's body tensed again and even if a pained sound escaped his lips, he managed to hold back his real voice. His fingers dig into the dirt, clenching painfully. Dean stared, feeling unbelievably powerless and horrified beyond words. Every second of agony he witnessed twisted his stomach painfully. Every pained sound felt like someone was piercing spikes in his heart. And the memory of moans breathed on his skin echoed in his head, but fading away, shattered by Gabriel's pain he couldn't turn his eyes away from.

The hold Castiel had on the archangel eased up again and Gabriel breathed out deeply, his body shaking a lot more and there was blood running down his chin, flowing from his nose and eyes and from all the blood he coughed up violently between shuddered breaths. Dean's fists were clenched so tightly that it hurt and he was sure that he would draw blood from his palm soon with his nails. His muscles were tense and everything in him was screaming to do something, anything! He couldn't just stand idly by watching Gabriel get tortured and killed like this.

'Why must you be like this?!' Castiel raised his voice. 'Why can't you just obey me?!'

'You know what?' Gabriel replied in a hoarse voice. 'Screw you, little brother.'

He wailed in agony the next moment and Dean moved without thinking.

'Stop it!' he yelled and rushed forward the few steps that separated him from Castiel, grabbing hold of his coat. Gabriel fell silent, wheezing and trying to stop the shudders in his body. Castiel closed his hand around Dean's wrist and pulled it off of his coat, gripping it tightly.

'Or what?' he asked.

'Just stop,' Dean repeated, he saw Gabriel from the corner of his eye and he just couldn't let this happen, he couldn't. 'He won't rebel, I won't rebel... just stop,' he asked. He heard some noise escaping Sam at that, but he couldn't listen to him now.

'Is that so?' Castiel asked, locking his cold blue eyes on Dean's face.

'Yes,' Dean breathed out, feeling too weak all of a sudden. 'No planning, no plotting, no nothing... just stop hurting him.'

Castiel hummed in a considering manner before he let go of Dean's wrist.

'Well, I think you know what you need to do,' he said, but Dean just looked at him. 'Bow down,' Cas told him.

'What?!' Castiel glanced away to Gabriel and the angel groaned loudly in pain immediately. 'No! Stop, stop it!' Dean yelled over Gabriel's pained cries.

'Bow down to me, your Lord,' Castiel repeated in an even tone, locking his eyes back on Dean.

Dean felt how the blood was rushing in his ears and how his fists clenched painfully. He could practically feel Sam's and Bobby's eyes on him, but he could only glance at Gabriel without moving. Looking at the archangel's pained and bloody face made him swallow hard as he took a step back from Castiel.

'Dean, no,' Gabriel choked out and more than anything it was what made him drop down to one knee. He wanted to look back at him, tell him that he just couldn't stand by and let this happen. He couldn't just sacrifice him like this. Maybe it made him weak, but he couldn't stand anymore and watch him bleed for them like this, for him. Let him die for nothing.

Gabriel looked with widened eyes as Dean got down on his knee and he just wanted to shake him and tell him no. Not to back down, not to bow down, not for him, not for his life, because it was not worth it. He was too stunned to speak, and among the pain aching inside of him, he felt warm. He felt loved, and it's been a very, very long time since he last felt that.

Then, like a tiny spark exploding into a whirlwind, he felt a light flare up somewhere deep within him and he knew what he had to do.

'You know Castiel,' he started as he slowly managed to get up to his feet. 'I always felt guilty for leaving you little ones behind so suddenly, always wondered how much damage I caused by simply not being there.' He stopped next to Dean who was staring up at him, but Gabriel kept his eyes on Castiel who was only a step away from them. 'I think I'm gonna have to leave again,' he said. 'But this time I leave you a farewell gift.'

Castiel frowned at him slightly. Gabriel didn't waste a second; he reached out to him and fastened his hands upon the back of his skull, pulling them close to each other. He saw the sudden shock on Castiel's face, when he couldn't tear away from the archangel. Gabriel sealed his lips on his and everything was washed out by a brilliant, burning white light.

x~x~x

Dean covered his eyes immediately as the light appeared, turning away. He only dared to blink them open again when there was darkness behind his eyelids. Castiel and Gabriel were gone. Dean stood up from the ground and spun around himself to look everywhere. Sam and Bobby uncovered their eyes as well and they looked around with equally questioning looks. The scrapyard was covered in glass-shards and Dean's ears were still ringing from Gabriel's true voice. Then a hand was on his shoulder and he was turned around, suddenly facing Sam.

'What the hell was that?' his little brother asked.

'What the hell was what?' he asked.

'Bowing down!' Sam spelled it out.

'What? I should've just let him get killed right here in front of us?' Dean asked in return.

'No, but--'

'There's no “but”, Sam. I had to do something.'

'But you couldn't have meant it.' Dean fell silent at that. He himself wasn't sure, but he knew that he wanted to save Gabriel. Before Sam could force an answer out of him an enormous burst of light covered up the slowly brightening dawn-sky and all three of them whipped their heads in that direction. Clear white light, two sources, far away from them but it still looked like a gigantic outburst of light. Then it was gone the next second, the sky turning back to blue. Dean recognized the light all right, he remembered watching down on a very similar light from an airplane.

'Is that--' Sam started, but was interrupted by a new blast spreading in the sky further to their right now, but just as huge. Dean was almost sure he could feel the gush of wind on his face the outburst created. It was again gone in a second. Dean just stared at the sky with his heart beating heavily in his chest, not knowing what was happening, but sure that one of the lights was Gabriel and the other Cas. He found his muscles tensing again as his gaze roamed around.

The third explosion was bigger than the other two and spread out so widely and lit up the sky with so much light that Dean had to tear away his eyes from the sight again for a moment. When he looked back he saw nothing but a shapeless form of clear light, shining brightly on the sky, too far away for his eyes to see anything from it at all. It shrunk abruptly, like it was being sucked back into a hole and it became nothing but a burning bright spot in the distance. Then it exploded and fell apart to million pieces in a blink. Bowls of light, like shooting stars or flaming comets flew in every direction, covering everything where eyes could see. There was no end to them, hundreds, thousand or even millions were falling down from the sky, flying across the sky above them.

'Holy Mother...' Bobby murmured as he looked around.

'Souls,' Dean said, because it just had to be, he couldn't think of anything else. It was raining souls from the sky. 'Like waterdrops,' he said, remembering Gabriel saying it. 'No more thunder.'

'Those aren’t souls,' Sam said, and Dean turned around following his brother's line of vision just in time to see how two blazing beams of light split the sky in half and rushed past right above their heads. A lot lower than the souls that were still just falling from the sky everywhere. The first hit the ground somewhere further away then the second a moment later, both with such tremendous impact that Dean felt the earth shake under his feet both times. A heavy gush of wind followed almost immediately, forcing them to shut their eyes and cover their faces as dust and dirt whizzed around them.

Dean coughed up the dust getting in his mouth and nose as he stared to the distance. The next thing he knew that his feet were moving him. He climbed on top of a rusty old ford to see and his breath almost caught in his throat. What he saw from this distance were two large burnt-out craters. He couldn't see what was inside of them, he could only guess, but the grass being blackened to ash all around them was a grim sight.

'Bobby, get your truck!' Dean turned back to the older hunter and he didn't have to ask twice. With the Impala he wouldn't be able to get there out to the field; well, almost the edge of the woods. Thank fuck they didn't crash into the town.

Both Sam and Dean got into the truck and they drove out of the Salvage Yard towards the craters. Dean was practically vibrating with tension; his mind was flooded with hundreds of questions, and hundreds of the worst things that could await them at the place of the impact.

When Dean jumped out of the car he noticed that the souls finally stopped falling down, but he didn't care about them anymore, he just ran to the edge of the first blackened crater, his boots and jeans getting dirty with burnt grass. He abruptly stopped when he caught sight of the tan overcoat and Castiel sitting – leaning on one arm – in the bottom of the hole. He was dirty and his clothes seemed scorched, but he was very much alive and moving. At the sound of Dean's steps he turned his head to look up.

'Dean,' he spoke out. Looking at his face, his eyes and hearing that one simple word was enough for the hunter to know, this was Castiel. He didn't spare more time on him, but started running towards the second crater that was further away. He was almost out of breath by the time he got there.

Unlike his little brother, Gabriel way lying in the bottom of the hole, completely motionless. Dean hurried down on the side, now getting the rest of his clothes dirty with ash and dust, having to put his hands down to get down without falling. He was on his knees right away. Gabriel was just as dirty as Castiel looked like and his clothes were also burnt in some places; hell, his jacket was even smoking a little and the blood was still there on his face where it ran down from his eyes and from his ears.

'Gabriel,' he called. Putting one hand on his collarbone the other on his cheek, but the angel's head just lolled to the other side from his hand without any sort of reaction. No movement, none at all. 'Gabriel!' he called a bit louder. He whipped his head up at the sound of hurried movement and he tensed for a second as Castiel practically stumbled down on the side or the crater very gracelessly and scrambled closer to them.

'Gabriel,' he breathed out. 'No, no, please, Gabriel...' he grabbed a hold of one of the archangel's hands and Dean's first instinct was to tell him not to touch him, but he bit his words back down. Castiel kept mumbling in a quiet tone. His face was possibly as terrified as Dean has ever seen it. 'Please, Gabriel... not you, please. I'm sorry, I'm so sorry. Please don't go...'

'He's not breathing,' Dean said out loud the second he realized it. 'Isn't he supposed to breath?' Something was gripping his chest very tightly as the words left his mouth. Castiel reached out and put a hand on Gabriel's chest, but only for a moment.

'He's still here, the vessel is not empty,' he said.

Dean leaned closer, trying to hold the archangel's face in his hands; the skin was warm, but too still. 'Gabriel,' he said again. 'Open your eyes... don't you fucking dare to... you can't leave,' he finally said. 'You hear me you idiot angel? Don't you dare. Come on,' his voice quieted down at the end and he just kept looking down at him, eyes in search of any sort of reaction. He wasn't even sure he himself was breathing. Castiel fell silent too, but he didn't let go of Gabriel's hand, he was clutching it with both of his own.

Then after torturously long moments Gabriel finally inhaled a shallow breath, his chest rising up slightly.

'Gabriel,' Dean called again and this time the angel frowned and his eyes opened up slowly. His gaze seemed unfocused and foggy but he was looking up at him so Dean didn't fucking care.

'Oh shit, fucking finally,' he breathed out in relief.

'Hey,' Gabriel greeted. 'Worried?'

'This once. Maybe a little,' Dean answered. 'You just had to be the big damn hero, didn't you?' Gabriel managed a dim smile at that.

'Learned from the best,' he said.

'How did you pull this off?' Dean asked, because he had no idea what happened, but whatever it was, it worked. He just couldn't imagine how on Earth Gabriel did it, when Castiel was so obviously stronger than him.

'I had awesome back-up,' Gabriel replied and he finally glanced in the other direction noticing Castiel for the first time. Cas for his part, just stared back at Gabriel, still clutching his hand like some wide-eyed frightened animal, not daring to move.

'Stupid kid,' Gabriel murmured, then promptly passed out again.

x~x~x


	8. Epilogue

x~x~x

 

Gabriel was unresponsive for a very long time, seemingly asleep. They laid him down on the old couch in Bobby's study. Sam was throwing weird glances at Dean for the way he acted concerning Gabriel, but he ignored it for now. When he went to get a cloth wet to at least get the blood off of the angel's face he pointedly didn't look neither at Sam nor Bobby. He was not ready for that conversation.

Castiel was outside, not putting a foot in the house, but not leaving either. Dean knew he had nowhere to go, but he assumed the angel – probably angel again, he could zap back to Bobby's junkyard after all – wanted to wait for Gabriel to wake up again. Dean let him stand there, they hadn’t spoken a word since Gabriel passed out again and the hunter was not willing to change that just yet. He figured that Sam and Bobby left him with the decision of how to treat him or deal with him, well, at least that's what he thought after neither of them spoke up about Cas waiting outside among the broken old cars. He didn't even clean up his vessel. All his clothes remained stained and dust-covered and Dean wondered whether it was deliberate or if the angel just forgot about it.

Dean got cleaned up a few hours after getting back to Bobby's, but mainly he just lazed around the study, torn between keeping up a front and wanting to sit down beside the angel to make sure he was still breathing evenly. It was late afternoon when Bobby reminded him to eat something, which of course explained some of the weird glances, because he usually didn't forget stuff like that. Man, if they knew half of it. Gabriel woke up not long after.

He looked hazy and tired, but Dean was just thankful he woke up at all.

'Hey man, feeling better?' the hunter asked almost immediately.

'I feel like a god kicked the shit out of me... oh wait.' Dean chuckled despite himself, sitting down to Gabriel's feet as the angel sat up somewhat awkwardly, blinking a lot to focus on things.

'You did it,' Dean said after a pause. 'You saved Cas.'

'Hmm... where is he?'

'Outside,' Dean nodded his head towards the window.

'Castiel,' Gabriel said out loud and with a flutter of wings the younger angel was inside the room. Shoulders hunched and he looked smaller than ever in his too big dirty clothes.

'Gabriel... I'm...' he avoided eye-contact and talked quietly.

'A fucking idiot,' Gabriel finished.

'I'd ask... beg for your forgiveness, but... I know I don't deserve it.'

'No one forbids you to ask for it,' Gabriel remarked dryly.

'However you may wish to take revenge for my... misdeeds. I will accept it, whatever it may be, my grace, my life...' he trailed off, just standing there awkwardly and he finally looked like the angel Dean remembered. Right now a lot more quiet, a lot more remorseful, but it was him alright.

Gabriel looked up at the ceiling for a few moments before sitting up and moving to stand. Dean stood up right away too, but he didn't reach out to him. The archangel seemed wobbly on his feet, but he could stand on his own, the hunter stayed close to him, just in case. He took a step closer to the other angel.

'Castiel,' he said and waited until the younger angel looked up at him before he punched him square in the jaw, making him lose his balance and stumble to the floor. Gabriel also seemed to lose his footing, but Dean grabbed hold of his arm to support him.

'I say it again, you're a fucking idiot,' Gabriel said, looking down at Cas, the other angel stayed down, not even looking up.

'Souls, Castiel... of all the worst possible things an angel could do, you go for the souls... of Purgatory. Vicious, blood-thirsty monsters, just waiting to be flesh again to destroy,' he took a few large breaths, visibly calming himself down.

Sam and Bobby showed up, probably hearing the thud and the sound of the argument. Castiel stayed silent.

'Don't go back to Heaven, they'd tear you to pieces,' he added.

'I would deserve it,' Cas said.

'Don't go back to Heaven,' Gabriel repeated more firmly. 'I wouldn't have gone through all of this hassle to save your sorry ass if I wanted to throw you to the dogs.' Castiel's head snapped up at those words.

'You cannot possibly... why not punish me? If anyone, you'd have the right... after all I have done.'

Gabriel only stayed silent for a second before speaking up again. 'There's more blood on your hands than on Lucifer's,' he said, ignoring the flinch from the younger angel. 'And you don't have the luxury of forgetting... ever. Not your betrayals, not your destruction, nor the death of every single angel that has fallen from your hands. You will live with everything you have done for the rest of your existence. You also made sure that you can never return to Heaven, not after this. You exiled yourself forever. Looking at you, I think that's punishment enough.'

Castiel's head sagged further, tearing his pained eyes away from the archangel. Gabriel swayed a little as he moved, so Dean gripped his arm tighter, but the angel brushed him off after a moment.

'We will talk later, Castiel,' he said then after a breath. 'I'm gonna take one of the beds, because my vessel is in crap condition. If anyone else dares to disturb me, who doesn't go by the name Dean Winchester,' he even raised his arm and pointed at him, like it was not obvious to everyone in the room who he was. 'There will be hilariously painful consequences.'

He vanished from the room after that.

'Why can you disturb him?' Sam asked.

'Because I'm a joy to have around,' Dean answered simply. 'Cas, get up from there,' he turned to the angel. He did so, but just stood there without a word.

'Why would he be willing to forgive me?' Cas asked in a dim tone.

'Cause big brothers tend to do that even if you mess shit up, well... the good ones anyway,' Dean answered.

'Dean, I...'

'Listen Cas, I'm not saying that we're ok, because we're not... and it's gonna take a helluva lot to get us to be even remotely ok again, but... some of this is on me. I'm not gonna say it ain't. So you just don't get killed and... I'll see you around...'

Castiel nodded, only briefly glancing up at Sam and Bobby, but his mouth opened and closed without him saying a word, because apparently he didn't have the right words to speak.

'Later, Castiel,' Sam said in a clipped tone. Cas nodded again, his face defeated, lost, shameful and this time he disappeared in a flutter of wings right after. Dean knew in that moment, that he would forgive his friend. He just didn't know how much time it would take them to get there, for him to be able to trust him like he did before. He didn't even know if they could go back to how things were before. Maybe that was lost forever, maybe things would be different. He only knew that his friend was alive and back to his old self, so everything else they would have to deal with was secondary.

x~x~x

Gabriel was lying on the top of the covers on Dean's bed, naturally. After closing and locking the door Dean lay down too, facing him. Gabriel opened up his tired amber eyes to look at him.

'Your “awesome back-up”... was it... God?' Dean asked carefully. Gabriel smiled a little.

'Yeah... well, at least a sliver of something that felt like Him to me.'

Dean nodded and didn't comment on it, he felt comfortable, lying on his side, face-to-face with the archangel, the quiet around them was pleasant and soothing.

'So it seems like I'm not gonna die in the very immediate future,' Gabriel spoke up then and Dean opened his eyes again to look at him, he didn't even notice that he closed them.

'Seems like it,' he agreed.

'Still think you could love me?' he asked quietly. Dean kept looking at him, his smile was small, but it was there.

'Well, I guess you do have a pretty good sense of humor,' he said.

'I could always get you your favorite food,' Gabriel offered, his smile growing bigger.

'Yeah, and _someone_ would finally get my awesome Dr. Sexy references,' Dean nodded, he too had a lot bigger smile on his face now.

'You bet your cute butt that I'm familiar with that,' Gabriel answered – with a quote from the show nonetheless – and Dean laughed at that a little.

'See, I'm perfect for you,' the angel added, his hand reaching out and his fingers moving down Dean's chest where the silver pendant was resting under his t-shirt.

'Yeah, I guess you are.'

-=THE END=-

  
[ ](http://kraehi.deviantart.com/)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The artist KraeHi is on deviantART. Check out her stuff!! http://kraehi.deviantart.com/

**Author's Note:**

>   
>  This work of fanfiction is licensed under a  [Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-ShareAlike 3.0 Unported License](http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-nc-sa/3.0/) . This is a fan-written derivative work. Nearly all characters, names and places in the story belong to Eric Kripke and all other respective owners.


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